A/N: If you are sensitive to Ideologically themes, please don't read this.
At the beginning of the year I didn't know what was planned for me.
The struggles of last year where wrapped around my ankles dragging me down. Sometimes dragging me down below the water, almost to the point I reached 6 feet.
When surrounded by darkness and comfort, I grow wings carrying me to places where I want to be, experience the thrill and feel the emotion. At the same time, they weren't always usable. Bundled up with rope tying them back, not able to function as their original purpose.
Angels do exist, losing one hurts. Remembering them and how they treated you was soft, although they treated others harshly as they where protecting something. Something that was concealed by a costume; a disguise. Not noticeable to most people but to others, they saw what was underneath keeping a secret till it was comfortable to come out.
I don't consider myself as anything now, the word female makes me feel disgusted. The word male makes me feel more complete. I was trying to be female when I knew to a good point I wasn't. Expressing myself to what I see myself feels better, even if it means I'm Androgynous Male. Get rid of the tainted name that brings harsh memories, changing it to something that feels better, feels fresh.
Happy... I was happy being myself.
I have lost so much stuff over this past year, memories, friendships, friends and family perished by darkness; Yet I gained so much, friendships strengthen, my health is back to normal (mostly). To the point the veins loosened, bringing me back more afloat where the rope was pushed off by many people, including one who stole something that I didn't realize it was gone till later.
That one person, I knew carried me back to the point I will be dragged by the very lose points but won't even enter the water. Yet somehow touch it to the point there is a slight ripple.
Wings, I can feel them back to what now are splendid dreams, not the dark nightmares it once was. Slowly I've been using them less to fly, but to show on how much power I have when I need it. Once in a while I get a small glimpse of them in real life, I know the feeling on my back so well where they are, what they are doing. It feels common to sense them all the time, especially when I constantly dream of them for years.
Yet with all my self proclaimed power wanting to fight and go places, I didn't realize I lost one thing.
Protected by many creatures, inside a floating castle lays a jar with something valuable to life. Being cherished liked a flower by the person who saved me, giving me more life and happiness. Locked away, as it can only be accessed inserting something in a ring mold. That I gave them, as it I know how dangerous it is traveling alone to the jar.
When I've been feeling the veins tight, I look at this person constantly reminding what I gave them. I take what I need and loosen them, what I can causing them to cry or get red faced. With my hands, I caress their cheeks and hold their face up from the ground. Peeking away with my lips all the tears that have leaked from their demon like eyes. Running my hands through the short blonde locks, that used to be long once upon a time.
Right now I can only fall asleep in their arms, holding me close while I get cold. Kissing my forehead with a "goodnight". As everyone else acts as a tall wall around the water, observing me and taking care of me. Knowing the person holding me, saved me and stole something from me.
As in the morning I am awakened with a kiss on the cheek or a small lip lock, with a "Good Morning". While the small jar glistens through all the walls of the castle, reminding me that stolen thing was my heart.
I shall spend the rest of the year like this, and a good majority of next year. Think happy things of the stuff I have lost this year, and be even happier knowing I still have a strong, tall wall and the person I love is still here.
Although something was not right one day. He wrote something on his hand that he wouldn’t let me see. After an hour or pouting and pouting, I got to know what was written on his hand.
“Whilst du mich heiraten?”
I didn’t know too much until I looked it up in a dictionary. (Use Google translate!)
I respond with a yes. Hoping that the New Year will bring so much joy, hoping that the next 5 years will be intense and full of excitement.
Goodnight every night, especially the year. Can't wait to say Good Morning next year.